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What was he thinking (Texas Publisher Edition)

gobears220

Well-Known Member
Gold Member
Jun 25, 2006
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Let's get the jukebox cranked up.



Ah yes, September. The time we were back. A much simpler time. We were on top of the college football world. We beat a **legit** top 10 team with our incredibly innovative and original offense. Nobody could touch us, especially UTEP. We had it made, then it was stripped from us because of the soon-to-be-fired Charlie Strong and his Charmin Ultra Soft defense. Which leads me to a bonus jukebox entry this week:



What's happening to our beloved horns is pathetic. We lost to freaking Cal. Cal?!? The only things more liberal than us are Cal and a transgender hippie. What the hell are we doing losing to those guys? Not only that, but how many Tech reject QBs are there to torture us? Davis Webb and Baker Mayfield lit our asses up. This is Charlie Strongs fault, 100%. So let's get to the coaching board.

Texas Publisher's Red Hot Coaching Board:

1. Bill Belichick: He'll be cashing in checks in Austin from what I've heard from sources. He's ready for a new challenge, and dominating college like he did the pros, although I will say that 4 championships in 16 years may not be enough given how amazing Texas is.

2. Nick Saban: This would be a pretty good hire for Texas. He's done well at Bama, but could do even better at a place as prestigious as Texas. I noticed that in this weeks AP poll, one guy voted Michigan number 1, with Bama getting the rest. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Come to Austin Nick, and you'll get all those votes.

3. Urban Meyer: This would really hurt because Texas shouldn't have to settle for a 3rd selection, but I think he might have what it takes to make Texas what it should be.

4. Pete Carroll: I can't even believe I'm putting a 4th candidate, because any coach on the planet should be begging to coach here. But if need be, we can call Pete, who is probably tired of rainy Seattle.

5. Charlie Strong: Oops, I meant choice 500, which is about what he was in the last coaching cycle.

6. Jimbo Fisher: Guy has a 82% winning percentage at Florida State. We're looking at a minimum winning percentage here of 98%, because let's face it, even Texas can be upset every once in awhile.

7. Tom Herman: He's our if we want him. I just don't know if we'll settle on him given the names above begging to come here.

8. Ghost of Darrell Royal: Guy would be scary good on the recruiting trail, and we know he would dominate on the field.

Quotables for the week:

"Yeah, we have better athletes. Those guys over at Baylor wanted to be recruited by Texas. Luckily my staff and I have a real eye for talent and develop our players at a high level, so we don't really need to worry about who they have." Charlie Strong on Baylor

"Everyone looks at me weird in the locker room, like I've done something wrong. I try to go out there and ball out every Saturday, but I'm looked at like an outsider. I thought by coming to Texas you're supposed to live up to the hype and wreck people, but I seem to be the only one doing that." D'Onta Foreman on the locker room atmosphere

"I run really fast, I catch balls sometimes, and I lose lots of games." Devin Duvernay on what it's like to play for Texas.

"Where did Malik Jefferson go? Is he still playing? Did we schematically erase our most talented defender?" Texas fans

"I know that we're going to win when I get there. I mean come on, it's Texas. What could go wrong?" Recruit that wishes to remain anonymous.

Big XII Power Rankings

1. Texas: Money is power bitches. You should have seen Mike Perrin swinging his D all over the place at the Big XII meetings. Why are we not expanding, because we say so damnit. We hold this spot until some other team gets a their own network.

2. Iowa State: We demolished the second best team in the conference because we're Texas.

3. West Virginia: So they call themselves West Virginia, but they're on the East Coast? My head is spinning because I'm not a geographer.

4. Kansas State: Easily the best win for the old man in his career in the monster upset of Texas this past weekend.

5. Oklahoma State: Their crappy shade of orange is barely good enough for the top half of the conference.

6. Kansas: They're getting better, way better than the garbage below them.

Tied for Last: Baylor, TCU, Tech: Our poor little brothers will never be us. They wish they were us, they wish they had our recruits, our money, our donors, our weight rooms, our facilities, just not our win total.

Actually Last: OU

Bonus super duper last: A&M lost to Bama. They're trash.

Predictions for the weekend:

Iowa State 44 Kansas State 21: The monster win keeps getting more monstrous with Iowa State rolling.

West Virginia 31 Oklahoma State 10: I'm confused with the concept of defense West Virginia seems to employ, I think they'll win with it.

TCU 3, Texas Tech 0 (5OT) Finally one of these loser teams will eventually make a field goal and mercifully end this showdown between little brothers.

Kansas 49 Oklahoma 7: Everyone sees it coming. The OU defense has been exposed, and Kansas will take advantage. DBU will shut down DooDoo Westbrook and make it look easy.

Texas 95 Baylor 0: We might miss a few extra points, but all those guys in Green and Gold will shiver in fear when they line across the Burnt Orange they wish they were wearing.
 
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